2008 in Review: The Worst Films of the Year (among other things)

Without further ado, my five least favorite films of the year:

Honorable Mentions: “Fool’s Gold,” “One Missed Call,” “10,000 B.C.”

#5

Speed Racer

Directed by the Wachowski Brothers

Throwing any sense of wonder and innovation to the wind, the Wachowski Brothers created a vanity project in every respect. From the nauseous, headache-inducing visual style to the nondescript, one-dimensional characters to the awfully gee-whiz screenplay, “Speed Racer” just didn’t work on any level. The only thing going for it was a strong performance by Matthew Fox as the mysterious Racer X, but he’s at the service of bad material. “Speed Racer” could have been one of the most beautiful and original films ever created but instead became something akin to “Starburst Skittles Milkshake: The Movie.” And yes, I said that just now.

#4

Space Chimps

Directed by Kirk De Micco

Here is the worst animated film I’ve ever seen, the sheer amateurishness almost insulting. It’s like the filmmakers didn’t really try and instead just cranked something out in a few months. The animation is beyond average, the synching of dialogue to movement at a notable disconnect. The plot is stringent and thin, not even substantial enough to hold together 81 measly minutes. The only good thing is that it at least feels its length and doesn’t drag on. The characters are straight out of video games, except they would be more interesting that way. This is awful stuff. In fact, I forgot most of it before the credits.

#3

Meet the Spartans

Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

After the film ended, I asked myself the following question: Can comedies get more depressing? The answer would be…yes, actually, as proven by my #2 film. Still this is among the worst of its kind I’ve ever seen. Remember when spoofs and satires were among the best comedies of all time? Think of the greats, like “Airplane!,” “The Naked Gun: Files from the Police Squad!” (and its respective sequels), and “Hot Shots! Part Deux” (the original is just okay for me, but the second is a laff riot). Even as far back as “Dr. Strangelove.” Those are prime examples of lampoonery, and “Meet the Spartans” craps on their memories. It’s not irredeemable, because all spoof films have potential; nevertheless, it’s depressing.

#2

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Yet, no matter how depressing a comedy “Meet the Spartans” was, “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” was worse. If the former was depressing, this film was soulless. The plot is hypocritical and disgusting: a terrorist who wants to be a hairdresser and also really likes giving quickies to old ladies who come into his salon. Uh huh. It’s a terrible plot made worse by the typical Sandler structure—that of pea-brained sex and anatomy jokes, followed by romantic and dramatic histrionics of the most cloying kind. It worked in his great “The Wedding Singer,” as well as “Mr. Deeds,” but here it just flops around for 113 interminable minutes, with one big chuckle near the end. What awfulness!

#1

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Directed by Uwe Boll

For me, no film ever made (nor any that will be made in the future) even touches the sheer badness of “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.” Critics have called this film “laughably bad,” but I don’t see what’s so funny. Every single aspect of this film doesn’t work in the most basic of senses. The direction by schlockmeister Uwe Boll can be kindly described as the worst of any movie ever made (you don’t wanna hear what the unkind description is). The screenplay by Doug Taylor isn’t missing anything except a story, character development, good dialogue, effective action, and structural integrity. The technical aspects are catastrophically off the mark: the cinematography is the worst I’ve ever seen; the visual effects, what little there are, are just terrible; the film editing could have only been done by a blind monkey with Tourette Syndrome (yeah, that’s a fitting description); the costume and makeup designs are straight out of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. So, does that describe it for ya? To call it a vanity project is to be kind and caring to the proceedings at hand. It isn’t good enough for direct-to-cable, let alone theatrical release.

Most Underrated Film of 2008:

The Happening

I’m not sure what the critics’ problems were with “The Happening,” a film I consider the best chiller of the year and scarier than most of 2008’s horror films. The plot is understated (as is the acting) and terrifying in a general sense. Think about it: the plant life on the earth is turning against humans by killing them in the only way possible—assisted suicide. It’s a brilliant plot device, very Shyamalan, and the execution is even better for me. The only reason I can think of for Shyamalan to be so reviled for this film, as well as his touching and beautiful “Lady in the Water,” is that he stands up to any criticism. It speaks more to the critics reviewing his films than to any of his actual films. They can’t take someone who can take their “all-knowing” judgment. I, for one, loved both films. But that’s me.


Most Overrated Film of 2008:

The Strangers

Built on a terrifying premise made even scarier when one considers it is a true story, it is unfortunate that “The Strangers” is ultimately a sloppy motion picture. Spare and grim, singular sequences are terrifying but were handled with much more realism and emotion in “The Descent” and the underrated “Saw III.” The problem with “The Strangers” has less to do with the scares present and more with the fact that I’ve seen done before and better. The ending is more nihilistic and mean-spirited than anything done in the name of true events. And people say the “Saw” trilogy is torture porn…

Tomorrow: The Ten Best Films of 2008

A Slight Delay...

...on the Five Worst list. It, as well as the Most Underrated/Overrated, will be on in a few hours. Keep watch.

2008 in Review: An Introduction and Thoughts

(Note: this is not a great piece of writing, and I know that. It's meant to be a lengthy intro to the year we just finished. The great writing has been saved for the other articles.)

The year 2008 has been different. Looking at my current top ten, only three films came out in the fall months of September through December. Five films were released during the summer, including four of the top five. The other two were released in the spring. That’s diversity right there.

January was a terrible month (as it always is), but out of the three films I saw, there was one gem: “Cloverfield”. The other two, put mildly, were pieces of radioactive sludge. Still, “Cloverfield” was a breath of fresh air, a terrifying thrill ride that I knew would be hard to beat when it came to entertainment. February was pretty uneventful, starting off with the iffy “The Eye,” the disastrously unfunny “Fool’s Gold,” and the scant “Jumper,” which was one of my more anticipated of Spring 2008. I found the time to be thrilled by “Vantage Point,” but the real surprise was the brilliant “Penelope,” a tiny and forgotten gem every inch of which I loved to death.

March was a good month, though it admittedly started off with the abysmal “10,000 B.C.” Just the week after, however, there was the delightful and hilarious “Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!” The week after that, another small gem called “Married Life” came and went practically unseen, much like “Penelope.” Then the spoof genre had a savior in the witty and sweet “Superhero Movie,” which was the best outright comedy I’d seen so far. I only saw three films from the month of April: the fun “The Forbidden Kingdom,” a return for the floundering Jackie Chan, “Son of Rambow,” which also was a forgotten, underseen near-masterpiece, and the charming if uneven “Baby Mama,” which I saw on a whim.

So, good but disappointing were the early months of the year, but I did have four wonderful choices for the end of the year list (note: only one makes it to the final top ten). Then summer came, as it does, and turned things around.

May was a very good, if not great, month for summer blockbusters. For every great “Iron Man” and “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” type of success, there was a “Speed Racer” disaster and a “The Strangers” letdown to cloud one’s vision of the good stuff (then again, neither of the latter made much money, so there was an upside). In the middle of them all was the thrilling “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” and a little masterpiece called “The Fall” to hold them together. June was one of two months of excessive movie-going for me. I saw the following: the funny and exciting “Kung Fu Panda,” the awful “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan,” the underrated “The Happening,” the dumbly fun “The Incredible Hulk,” the equally funny “Get Smart” and “The Love Guru,” and the masterworks-for-different-reasons “WALL-E” and “Wanted.” It was a refreshingly good month, but “WALL-E” beating out “Cloverfield” for the top prize was unexpected, as nothing else had done so. My thought at the time was that even the long-awaited “The Dark Knight” would have to perfect in order to beat it.

July started off with the disappointing “Hancock,” which turned out to be much ado about not much. The weekend of July 11 brought me to the theaters for all three big films: the surprisingly not awful “Meet Dave,” the fun “Journey to the Center of the Earth,” and “Hellboy II: The Golden Army,” the biggest comeback for superhero movies since May’s “Iron Man.” But then “The Dark Knight” came out. I had my winner for the entire year, even the months that had not yet passed. It was an utter masterpiece and a work of pure genius—and that’s just the late Heath Ledger’s performance. Other movies after that paled in comparison, until the evening of August 15. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I also saw “Space Chimps,” which depressed me, and “The X-Files: I Want to Believe,” which lifted my spirits.

My impending move to college and my brother’s wedding dampened August’s movie-going experiences, and I didn’t see a film for two weeks. Perhaps this affected my liking “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.” The following week, a comedic masterpiece in Ben Stiller’s “Tropic Thunder” and three weeks after that, the brilliant thriller “Traitor.”

After this point, movies became few and far between. I was more busy than I’d ever been, but I did find the time to see the brilliant “Lakeview Terrace” and the entertainingly paranoid “Eagle Eye.” In October, I saw the hauntingly scary “Quarantine,” a film I was dreading with my every fiber of being, and the resonant “Changeling,” a film that left a big impression on me. In November, the films I saw were okay, but the only major disappointment was “Quantum of Solace,” the incoherent follow-up to “Casino Royale.”

But December has been pretty good. The first movie I saw was the disappointing “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and next the sappy “Seven Pounds.” I liked its comedies, such as “Yes Man” and “Bedtime Stories,” as well as the thriller “Valkyrie.” But in the final week of the year, I saw a film so powerful and so resonant as to make me question the chances for “The Dark Knight” to be on the top spot at the end of the year: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

For the last two days, it’s been haunting me. I can’t stop thinking about it. Which film beat which? I’ve made my choice, and it was, for me, a hard one to make. Both films are masterpieces of their respective genres. Both are those kinds of rarities I call perfect. I’m not entirely happy which choosing one over the other, but alas I must. You shall see in two days.

Let us start the journey…

UPDATED 2008: A Rundown (so far)

I've added David Fincher's resonant, beautiful, epic masterpiece, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (****), although it's fighting with "The Dark Knight" for the top spot and its placement may change, by the time my top ten is published on Wednesday. On another note, I've ultimately decided not to see "The Spirit" on Monday and will just end my 2008 movie-going experience this weekend. My Year in Review articles are under way. I've also added the other films I've seen since last Friday: "Valkyrie" (***), "Australia" (***), "Yes Man" (***), "Bedtime Stories" (***), and "Seven Pounds" (**1/2).

Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight" (****)
David Fincher's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (****)
Andrew Stanton's "WALL-E" (****)
Tarsem's "The Fall" (****)
Ben Stiller's "Tropic Thunder" (****)
Clint Eastwood's "Changeling" (****)
Howard & Williams's "Bolt" (****)
Matt Reeves' "Cloverfield" (****)
Stephen Walker's "Young @ Heart" (****)
Timur Bekmambetov's "Wanted" (****)

Jon Favreau's "Iron Man" (****)
Mark Palansky's "Penelope" (****)
Hammer & Tongs' "Son of Rambow" (****)
Steven Spielberg's "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (****)
Guillermo del Toro's "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" (****)
M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening" (****)
Hayward and Martino's "Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!" (****)
John Erick Dowdle's "Quarantine" (****)
Chris Carter's "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" (***1/2)
Ira Sachs's "Married Life" (***1/2)

Michel Gondry's "Be Kind Rewind" (***1/2)
David Schwimmer's "Run Fatboy Run" (***1/2)
Osborne and Stevenson's "Kung Fu Panda" (***1/2)
Bryan Singer's "Valkyrie" (***)
Pete Travis' "Vantage Point" (***)
Baz Luhrmann's "Australia" (***)
David Wain's "Role Models" (***)
Fumihiko Sori's "Vexille" (***)
Peyton Reed's "Yes Man" (***)
Andrew Adamson's "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" (***)

Michael McCullers's "Baby Mama" (***)
Craig Mazin's "Superhero Movie" (***)
Adam Shankman's "Bedtime Stories" (***)
Catherine Hardwicke's "Twilight" (***)
Anne Fletcher's "27 Dresses" (***)
Paul Weiland's "Made of Honor" (***)
Rob Cohen's "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" (***)
Louis Leterrier's "The Incredible Hulk" (***)
Seth Gordon's "Four Christmases" (***)
Peter Segal's "Get Smart" (***)

Patricia Rozema's "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl" (***)
Marco Schnabel's "The Love Guru" (***)
Eric Brevig's "Journey to the Center of the Earth" (***)
Gabriele Muccino's "Seven Pounds" (**1/2)
Oliver Stone's "W." (**1/2)
Moreau and Palud's "The Eye" (**1/2)
Marc Forster's "Quantum of Solace" (**)
Peter Berg's "Hancock" (**)
Doug Liman's "Jumper" (**)
Scott Derrickson's "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (**)

Bryan Bertino's "The Strangers" (**)
Brian Robbins's "Meet Dave" (**)
Eric Valette's "One Missed Call" (*1/2)
Andy Tennant's "Fool's Gold" (*)
Roland Emmerich's "10,000 B.C." (*)
The Wachowskis' "Speed Racer" (*)
Kirk De Micco's "Space Chimps" (1/2*)
Friedberg and Seltzer's "Meet the Spartans" (1/2*)
Dennis Dugan's "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" (1/2*)
Uwe Boll's "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" (zero)

OSCARS 2009: Closing In...

Lot of changes this week. Also, "WALL-E" is creeping into the Best Picture buzz with a flurry of precursors. You won't see it here. I don't think it will be nominated, as much as I think it should.

Best Picture:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Frost/Nixon
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Director:

Woody Allen, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight
Gus Van Sant, Milk

Best Actor:

Clint Eastwood, Gran Torino
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Best Actress:

Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

Best Supporting Actor:

Josh Brolin, Milk
Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Supporting Actress:

Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
Kate Winslet, The Reader

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay):

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Writing (Original Screenplay):

Happy-Go-Lucky
Milk
Rachel Getting Married
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
The Visitor

Best Animated Feature Film:

Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E
Waltz with Bashir

Best Art Direction:

Australia
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Duchess
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Revolutionary Road

Best Cinematography:

Australia
The Dark Knight
Defiance
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Costume Design:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Duchess
The Fall
The Other Boleyn Girl
Revolutionary Road

Best Film Editing:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Defiance
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Makeup:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Synecdoche, New York
Tropic Thunder

Best Music (Original Score):

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Defiance
Milk
Revolutionary Road
WALL-E

Best Music (Original Song):

"Down to Earth," WALL-E
"Gran Torino," Gran Torino
"I Thought I Lost You," Bolt
"I Want It All," High School Musical 3: Senior Year
"The Wrestler," The Wrestler

Best Sound Editing:

The Dark Knight
Defiance
Iron Man
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
WALL-E

Best Sound Mixing:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Defiance
Iron Man
WALL-E

Best Visual Effects:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Iron Man

Best Foreign Language Film:

The Baader-Meinhof Complex
The Class
Everlasting Moments
Gomorrah
Waltz with Bashir

Best Documentary:

At the Death House Door
Blessed is the Match: The Life and Death of Hannah Senesh
I.O.U.S.A.
Man on Wire
Trouble the Water

Schedule for next week

It's gonna be a busy weekend for me, writing up my Year in Review articles and other miscellanea, as well as seeing "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" tomorrow evening, "Bedtime Stories" on Saturday, "Valkyrie" on Friday, and "The Spirit" on Monday (yes, I'm seeing if it's as bad as reported). I may be reviewing them. Maybe not. We'll see.

That'll be it for 2008 on my end. I know, I know--I haven't seen the higher profile films like "Slumdog Millionaire" or "Synecdoche, New York" or "Frost/Nixon." But I have a darn good lineup for my top ten right now. And if "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" lives up to the potential, the climate could shift further.

Anyway, as of next Monday, I will have seen 61 movies this year. Considering the year I've had subtracting movies from it, that's impressive. I saw 58 in total from last year, so this is upping that number.

So, without further procrastination, here's my very busy lineup for the Year in Review week:

Monday--Introduction and Thoughts in conclusion to the year 2008 as it pertains to movies (no, that's not the title)

Tuesday--The Five Worst Films of 2008, along with the Most Overrated, Underrated, Overlooked, and Overhyped Films

Wednesday--The Ten Best Films of 2008, along with the Ten Runners-Up

Thursday--The JSC Awards, where I nominate everything that the Oscar voters categorize, plus Best Ensemble in a Motion Picture (thank you, Kris Tapley of InContention), and no, this is nothing like the Teen Choice Awards

Friday--The Year in Superlatives, which announces my winners in said categories

Saturday--The Ten Most Anticipated of 2009 (I know, it'll be the 3rd already, but I won't have seen anything, so...)

And on Jan. 10 and Feb. 22, I will be giving my final predictions for the Globes and Oscars, respectively. Live updates will take place on my Twitter page for both.

I may also provide reviews of each season of 24, in preparation for Jan. 11's season 7 premiere. The Wednesday after that (the 14th) will have a review of the 2-night, 4-hour premiere. Coverage of each episode will ensue.

Can't wait to do all of this! Keep watch!

Review: Role Models (***)

Directed by David Wain
Cast: Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb’e J. Thompson, Elizabeth Banks, Jane Lynch, Ken Jeong, Ken Marino, Kerri Kinney, A.D. Miles, Joe Lo Truglio, Matt Walsh, Nicole Randall Johnson, Alexandra Stamler, Carly Craig.
2008—99 minutes.
Rated R (crude and sexual content, language, nudity)
Reviewed by The Teen Critic on December 20, 2008.

“Role Models” works. It just works. Yes, it’s uneven, and raunchy. But it’s very, very funny and contains two of the best comedic performances of the year. But more on those later. Yes, it’s nowhere near “Tropic Thunder,” but it’s funnier than some of the other comedies this year. Like “The Love Guru,” it’s shameless in its raunchiness, isn’t too deep, and is just a foulmouthed funfest. I like the spirit of “Role Models” over all; it was blessedly R-rated but never mean-spirited. And those performances—man, did they make the movie.

Danny and Wheeler are best friends and drunks. They have been having a bad day, selling their power drinks as they do, until Danny’s girlfriend breaks up with him after an unromantic proposal. He ruins the next presentation, wrecks the tow truck trying to take their car, and is threatened with jail. That is, unless he and Wheeler can prove their worth by spending time with some kids at Sturdy Wings, an organization specializing in troubled kids.

Danny is assigned to Augie, a wide-open nerd obsessed with RPGs and never quite able to live in the real world. It ends up that Augie has extra layers, and Danny finally realizes why Augie is the way he is. There is a brilliantly played-out scene where Danny and Augie’s parents argue about Augie’s upbringing; it ends with Danny kicked out of their house for making better points than the parents. Meanwhile, Wheeler has to deal with Ronnie, a potty-mouthed 10-year-old with no filter, it seems, to move past the bad words. No worries; the heroes, and the organization’s headmistress, are just as salty.

So, the plot of “Role Models” isn’t exactly a novel one, but it works for this film. The screenplay is amiable, and the direction by David Wain consists mostly of montages, yes, but the most entertaining montages in a while. What works best about “Role Models” is the acting, and good performances are not in short supply. Paul Rudd is impressive as Danny, showing true colors near the end and deserving it. Seann William Scott is hilarious as Wheeler, but isn’t given enough to work with (he’s still good with what he’s got). Elizabeth Banks is radiant as always as love-interest Beth, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, fresh off of “Superbad,” is wonderful as the role playing Augie. (Note: the role-playing sequences are very believable.)

But the two aforementioned brilliant performances—seriously among the best of the year—are by Jane Lynch and Bobb’e J. Thompson. Lynch plays Gayle Sweeny, the head of Sturdy Wings, as the demented cousin of Tom Cruise’s Les Grossman. She’s that good and hits every note perfectly. It’s brilliant, and, above all, side-splittingly hilarious. Now, for Bobb’e J. Thompson as Ronnie. Consider this among the four most fearless supporting actor performances of the year, right up there with Cruise and Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” and, yes, Heath Ledger’s Joker. Thompson is simply electrifying and, in my opinion, Oscar-worthy in the role, and I predict he will go far as a result of this performance. Every other word is a naughty one; I suspect he would positively blanch Les Grossman and Kirk Lazarus—combined.

There are things that don’t work. The dramatic sequences are mostly melodramatic and unrealistic. The scenes between Danny and Beth are from any romantic comedy you can think of. The scenes with Wheeler and Ronnie, however, are perfectly balanced. I love how Thompson switches between dramatic and comedic without losing a step or a single bad word. The scenes between Danny and Augie are dramatically inert, except for that dinner sequence.

But the comedy’s the key in “Role Models,” and thank goodness for that. The performances are also electric, especially from Lynch and, more so if possible, Thompson. This is a vulgar good time at the movies. And that’s all the filmmakers were looking for, right?